Monday, February 13, 2006

St. Valentine's Massacre

Lots of celebrities calling it quits lately; Nick & Jessica, Heather & Richie, Tom and Katie (relax, just wishful thinking) and of course the Tour de France and the Girl Rocker.

Stupid Cupid has a history of creating some really crazy matches that never really stood a chance;

  • Drew Barrymore and Tom Green
  • Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley
  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (Just a matter of Time or Finally)
  • Bridgette Nielsen and Flavor Flav
  • Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett

At least Lance & Sheryl's split has been relatively quiet and respectful. Thanks guys. It breaks our snarking hearts that you have split, so here are a few songs to ease the pain.

* My Favorite Mistake by Sheryl Crow
* A Change Would Do You Good by Sheryl Crow
* Bicycle Race by Queen
* Kiss And Say Goodbye by The Manhattans
* Never there by Cake
* These Boots Were Made For Walking by Nancy Sinatra
* Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day
* Movin' Out by Billy Joel
* My Heart Will Go On by Switchblade Kittens
* My Bike and I by Bill Solly

For more Valentine tunes try here and for more Celebrity Valentine Playlists try here.

If anyone is unclear about Valentine gift giving, please see training video below.

Grey's Anatomy: Singing Naked in the Shower

Last night's episode of the sophomore series Grey's Anatomy posted some more big numbers, eclipsing those of the Housewives on Wisteria Lane. This, after scoring a big win for ABC with it's explosive post-superbowl episode last week.

I have to confess that I figured ABC would put up Lost or Desperate Housewives after the Superbowl if, of course, they did not have a very special episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition ready in the vault.

I think it was a risky move to give the writers of Grey's a shot after the Superbowl, but the lesbian shower dream sequence was the transition needed to move drunk football fans into Seattle Grace Hospital. For those new to the show, you can check out the excellent recaps at Television Without Pity. Below is the episode soundtrack. As always, a lot of the indie music is not easily available on iTunes. Boo. You can try looking here for links to the unlinked songs and artists below.

* World Spins Madly On by the Weepies
* Back in the Wild by the Greens Keepers
* Stay Where you Are by Ambulance LTD
* Breath (2AM) by Anna Nalick
* Unlike Me by Kate Havnevik
* I Tell Myself by Correatown
* Homebird by Foy Vance
* Offical Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack

Marketing Wizardry from Grey's Anatomy

Sunday, February 12, 2006

What a Dick

Vice Presdient Dick Cheney once again finds himself in a bit of trouble. It seems as if Dick confused a quail for his millionaire Austin attorney and went ahead and shot him a few times. Now I am thinking that his attorney is the last person he would want to shoot. If anyone needs lawyers right now it is Dick!

Cannot wait to hear Moses and the rest of the NRA comment on this tomorrow morning. The Huffington Post comes through again with the awesome Dick Cheney Quail Hunt game. I am sure that the parodies are only beginning. Jon Stewart and the Daily Show will likely create some buzz when they finally get their crack at it tomorrow.

Dick Cheney as Scarface

I Hate Tyra Banks

The ever changing Ms. Banks wears many hats; she is model, reality star and singer. She recently retired from cover girl and catwalks and no one noticed. Tsk tsk tsk, what a shame. Why would she throw away the only chapeau that FIT! Just because YOU think you can do anything, doesn’t mean you should. If you are looking for a copy of her single, check the dollar bins at Wal-Mart!

Ever notice how Tyra can mirror whomever she is chatting with? If she’s on MTV or interviewing a person of color, she is ghetto fabulous (watch as she swings her neck, snaps her fingers, rolls her eyes and f’shizzles her nizzle!) When she’s with the Caucasian persuasion, she is refined as granulated sugar! Now the plus size (talkin’ ego here) has thrown her hat into the talk show ring. Somebody throw it back! Puhleeeeze! Just as we were reveling in the demise of Ricky Lake along comes a talking forehead to take her place. Oprah she’s not! So desperate for viewers, she got felt up on national TV to prove that her twin peaks were real. Once again, I have to visit WhoGivesaShit.com!

One more thing… if there are any planes out there looking for an emergency landing strip, consider this media whore’s forehead! Hmmmm, cranium implants? Hey, Chameleon there’s your next show; prove to enquiring minds that your skull is “for real.”
When the talk show fails (and it will), who knows what Hat she’ll try on that gigantic head. Quick! Close all millineries!

* Karma Chameleon by Culture Club
* The Best of the Both Worlds by Jay-Z and R. Kelly
* Ghetto Fabulous by 313 Bass Mechanics
* Simply Irresistible by Robert Palmer
* Fake Breasts by the Bicycle Men
* I Can Do Anything by Texas Throwed
* I'm Beautiful by Bette Midler
* All These Things That I've Done by The Killers


Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star Jones

Attention-Whore alert! Star did a quick fat-to-thin change for her wedding to Big Gay Al and wanted everyone to pay for it. And oh how we paid. She talked too much when she was wearing designer clothes from Greater Tents & Awnings and since the fat mysteriously went North to her head it has only got worse. A walking bobblehead is what she is. As for what she has to say please visit WhoGivesAShit.com.

* American Idiot by Green Day
* You Talk Too Much by Run-DMC
* Fat Bottom Girls by Queen
* Arrogant by El Pus
* Shut Up! by Simple Plan
* Married, Buried, or Gay Jen Rathbun
* My Opinion by the Exies
* He's so Gay by Frank Zappa
* If you only had a Brain by The Queers
* Big Girls are Best by U2