Monday, February 13, 2006

St. Valentine's Massacre

Lots of celebrities calling it quits lately; Nick & Jessica, Heather & Richie, Tom and Katie (relax, just wishful thinking) and of course the Tour de France and the Girl Rocker.

Stupid Cupid has a history of creating some really crazy matches that never really stood a chance;

  • Drew Barrymore and Tom Green
  • Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley
  • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (Just a matter of Time or Finally)
  • Bridgette Nielsen and Flavor Flav
  • Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett

At least Lance & Sheryl's split has been relatively quiet and respectful. Thanks guys. It breaks our snarking hearts that you have split, so here are a few songs to ease the pain.

* My Favorite Mistake by Sheryl Crow
* A Change Would Do You Good by Sheryl Crow
* Bicycle Race by Queen
* Kiss And Say Goodbye by The Manhattans
* Never there by Cake
* These Boots Were Made For Walking by Nancy Sinatra
* Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day
* Movin' Out by Billy Joel
* My Heart Will Go On by Switchblade Kittens
* My Bike and I by Bill Solly

For more Valentine tunes try here and for more Celebrity Valentine Playlists try here.

If anyone is unclear about Valentine gift giving, please see training video below.

Grey's Anatomy: Singing Naked in the Shower

Last night's episode of the sophomore series Grey's Anatomy posted some more big numbers, eclipsing those of the Housewives on Wisteria Lane. This, after scoring a big win for ABC with it's explosive post-superbowl episode last week.

I have to confess that I figured ABC would put up Lost or Desperate Housewives after the Superbowl if, of course, they did not have a very special episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition ready in the vault.

I think it was a risky move to give the writers of Grey's a shot after the Superbowl, but the lesbian shower dream sequence was the transition needed to move drunk football fans into Seattle Grace Hospital. For those new to the show, you can check out the excellent recaps at Television Without Pity. Below is the episode soundtrack. As always, a lot of the indie music is not easily available on iTunes. Boo. You can try looking here for links to the unlinked songs and artists below.

* World Spins Madly On by the Weepies
* Back in the Wild by the Greens Keepers
* Stay Where you Are by Ambulance LTD
* Breath (2AM) by Anna Nalick
* Unlike Me by Kate Havnevik
* I Tell Myself by Correatown
* Homebird by Foy Vance
* Offical Grey's Anatomy Soundtrack

Marketing Wizardry from Grey's Anatomy

Sunday, February 12, 2006

What a Dick

Vice Presdient Dick Cheney once again finds himself in a bit of trouble. It seems as if Dick confused a quail for his millionaire Austin attorney and went ahead and shot him a few times. Now I am thinking that his attorney is the last person he would want to shoot. If anyone needs lawyers right now it is Dick!

Cannot wait to hear Moses and the rest of the NRA comment on this tomorrow morning. The Huffington Post comes through again with the awesome Dick Cheney Quail Hunt game. I am sure that the parodies are only beginning. Jon Stewart and the Daily Show will likely create some buzz when they finally get their crack at it tomorrow.

Dick Cheney as Scarface

I Hate Tyra Banks

The ever changing Ms. Banks wears many hats; she is model, reality star and singer. She recently retired from cover girl and catwalks and no one noticed. Tsk tsk tsk, what a shame. Why would she throw away the only chapeau that FIT! Just because YOU think you can do anything, doesn’t mean you should. If you are looking for a copy of her single, check the dollar bins at Wal-Mart!

Ever notice how Tyra can mirror whomever she is chatting with? If she’s on MTV or interviewing a person of color, she is ghetto fabulous (watch as she swings her neck, snaps her fingers, rolls her eyes and f’shizzles her nizzle!) When she’s with the Caucasian persuasion, she is refined as granulated sugar! Now the plus size (talkin’ ego here) has thrown her hat into the talk show ring. Somebody throw it back! Puhleeeeze! Just as we were reveling in the demise of Ricky Lake along comes a talking forehead to take her place. Oprah she’s not! So desperate for viewers, she got felt up on national TV to prove that her twin peaks were real. Once again, I have to visit!

One more thing… if there are any planes out there looking for an emergency landing strip, consider this media whore’s forehead! Hmmmm, cranium implants? Hey, Chameleon there’s your next show; prove to enquiring minds that your skull is “for real.”
When the talk show fails (and it will), who knows what Hat she’ll try on that gigantic head. Quick! Close all millineries!

* Karma Chameleon by Culture Club
* The Best of the Both Worlds by Jay-Z and R. Kelly
* Ghetto Fabulous by 313 Bass Mechanics
* Simply Irresistible by Robert Palmer
* Fake Breasts by the Bicycle Men
* I Can Do Anything by Texas Throwed
* I'm Beautiful by Bette Midler
* All These Things That I've Done by The Killers

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star Jones

Attention-Whore alert! Star did a quick fat-to-thin change for her wedding to Big Gay Al and wanted everyone to pay for it. And oh how we paid. She talked too much when she was wearing designer clothes from Greater Tents & Awnings and since the fat mysteriously went North to her head it has only got worse. A walking bobblehead is what she is. As for what she has to say please visit

* American Idiot by Green Day
* You Talk Too Much by Run-DMC
* Fat Bottom Girls by Queen
* Arrogant by El Pus
* Shut Up! by Simple Plan
* Married, Buried, or Gay Jen Rathbun
* My Opinion by the Exies
* He's so Gay by Frank Zappa
* If you only had a Brain by The Queers
* Big Girls are Best by U2

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Judge This!

If GW ever shuts the hell up, the magic triumvirate will finally grace my TV. This State of the Union Address is running way long. Surprised Simon has not found a way to cut the feed. Disastrous. Absolutely, terrible.

Apparently the judges are being too critical this season. Please. Contestants willingly sign up for a reality television program and we are supposed to be forgiving when they make asses of themselves? As if.

* Don't Rain on my Parade by Barbra Streisand
* Stuck in the Middle with You by Stealers Wheel
* Hit da Road Jack by Public Enemy
* Another one Bites the Dust by Queen
* Only God can Judge Me by Master P
* Uptight by Stevie Wonder
* Mean to be Mean by the Pones
* Idol Worship by Love as Laughter
* Cruel to be Kind by Spacehog
* Boy Band by Arrogant Worms

Monday, January 30, 2006

God, I wish I knew how to quit you!

Ah.... cowboy love. They were shut out at the SAG awards last night, but I am thinking Oscar will show them a little love. The parodies are almost as good as the movie. The gay subtext of Top Gun has longed been hinted at and Quentin Tarantino said as much in his monologue in Sleep With Me. So Bareback Top Gun comes as no surprise.There is also a great trailer for another love that could never be – that of Marty McFly and Dr. Emmett Brown in Brokeback to the Future. And for those techie geeks, there is the short but sweet Broke Mac Mountain.

* I Don't Know How to Love Him by Marc Pressel and Yvonne Elliman
* It's Raining Men by The Weather Girls
* The Lady Takes the Cowboy Everytime by Lary Gatlin & the Gatlin Brothers
* Changes by David Bowie
* Dreaming my Dreams with You by the Cowboy Junkies
* New Attitude by Patti Labelle
* Cowboy Pride by Michael Martin Murphy
* Closet by Pete Yorn
* I Will Always Love You by Kenny Rogers
* Against All Odds by Phil Collins

George "Maverick" Bush

What a dumbass. How can anyone take this clown serious, let alone believe he is the leader of the free world. Good Lord! Wonder how the volleyball game ended up.

* Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
* Stupid Boy by Retarded
* G.I. Joe by Waylon Jennings
* Democracy by Leonard Cohen
* Liar by the Human League
* The Refugee by U2
* Army of One by Phish
* War by Edwin Starr
* Hurricane by Bob Dylan
* President by Wyclef Jean

Dippy sunny music or road trip cliches?

Inspired? Create a playlist of no more than 10 songs that best captures the essence of this picture. It is easy to pick one or two songs, but it is much more interesting to create a soundtrack.

Choosing tunes for the road can be a daunting task. iMixes on iTunes is a good place to start. Some top rated ones can be found here and here.

* Where the Streets Have No Name by U2
* My Music At Work by The Tragically Hip
* No Ordinary Morning by Chicane
* Here Comes The Sun by Voodoo Glow Skulls
* Rear View Mirror by Pearl Jam
* Mr. E's Beautiful Blues by the Eels
* Light & Day by The Polyphonic Spree
* The Shining by Badley Drawn Boy
* The Horizon has been Defeated by Jack Johnson
* Gravity Rides Everything by Modest Mouse